Every “No” Quietly Builds the Business
“What gets easier is your reaction to that no.”
Dealing with rejection in business gets exhausting when you keep putting yourself out there and hearing the same damn answer. You can believe in what you’re building and still wonder how many more nos you’re supposed to take. Especially when someone tells you that every no gets you closer to a yes, as if that helps pay the bills. After years of building my business, I have a few thoughts about that saying, an unexpected text message, and the television opportunity that went to someone else.
“Every no gets you closer to that yes.”
Well, I felt that was a crock of shit.
No, really. When the nos are followed by years of more nos, you’re left wondering if there’s even a yes in there somewhere. Did I miss it? Did I mistake a possible maybe for a yes?
I see it with my clients who are trying to find employment, too. Another rejection email. Another “Sorry, we decided to go with a different candidate.” I literally cringe every time I say, “Just know that you’re closer to that yes.”
Listen, especially for the person looking for work or an investment, that no is not putting food on the table and paying the bills.
But here’s what can be building while you keep trying. You’re getting more practice going on that interview. You’re finding different techniques to market your business, new ways to pitch what you do, and places to network that you never even knew existed.
That doesn’t make the rejection feel good. But it does mean something is happening besides hearing no.
Sometimes the Yes Looks Like a Text Message
After three years in business, a NO still stings. It really does hurt, and you start to think maybe you should give up. This isn’t for me. What’s the point of continuing?
Well, it’s a passion. And somewhere in all those nos, you receive a text message out of the blue like this:
“This week if I’m being honest, the last two weeks have been really really hard for me and I have literally had the affirmation cards on my desk like reading them like a book trying to help my funk”
Then you say, yes, this is worth it. Because this is a yes.
I started the business to offer something I had needed myself. And here was someone telling me that something I created was helping her through a hard couple of weeks.
That message doesn’t erase the bills or the other nos. But it reminds me that I’m helping at least one person. The work is already doing something, even while I’m wondering whether I should keep doing it.
Sometimes I Need to Change How I Ask
Some of those nos have given me an opportunity to grow.
Maybe I didn’t ask the question clearly. Maybe I didn’t pitch myself the right way. Maybe I’m not marketing myself well enough.
The point is not to do more, but to pivot, rethink the strategy, and ask again.
As a Career Advisor, I see this all the time. But I saw it so well portrayed in the movie A Million Miles Away. If you haven’t seen it, the story follows José M. Hernández, a Mexican American engineer and former migrant farmworker who became a NASA astronaut.
He was rejected 11 times before being accepted on his 12th application.
Did he stop? Nope. The part that stayed with me was how he kept building his knowledge and skills along the way. He was giving himself something different to bring to the next application.
That’s what I take from his story. If there’s something specific I can improve, I can work on that. It doesn’t guarantee the next answer, but it gives me a more useful place to start than deciding the entire business is a mistake.
If putting your work out there has you questioning whether it helps anyone, I’ve had that conversation with myself, too. Especially once people could actually see what I was creating.
Read next: I’m Not Scared of Failing. I’m Scared of Being Seen.
Sometimes the Opportunity Wasn’t Meant for Me
Now, that really does blow. But sometimes, once you look at the situation, you can understand why it wasn’t yours.
A couple of years ago, I was invited to be considered as a guest on The Kelly Clarkson Show. Yep, little ole me.
It was between me and another female veteran to talk about a nonprofit organization that was going to receive an amazing opportunity. I even told the owner of the nonprofit, “But I’ve only been there twice. Are you sure?”
He said yes. They really wanted a female veteran.
So I went through the entire process, including interviews with producers and recording a video of myself. I can definitely say for certain my life is not meant for showbiz.
The other veteran was selected. She was at the nonprofit a lot of the time, compared to my two visits. She had a much stronger connection to the place we were there to talk about.
I watched that episode, and I loved it. The people who needed to be there were there.
That no didn’t mean I needed to become a different person or work on my television presence. Looking at the opportunity honestly, I could see why she belonged in that seat.
Maybe you’ve had one of those, too. Something you wanted, but when you stepped back, you could see that the fit wasn’t quite right. You can be disappointed and still recognize that.
What Is This No Actually Telling Me
Instead of only taking on a negative meaning, some of those nos have actually been a good thing in my life. It’s like the universe giving me some feedback.
But I don’t think every no is a sign that I need to change something. Sometimes there’s useful feedback. Sometimes the opportunity fits somebody else better. And sometimes all I have is a decision, with no explanation attached.
If you’re sitting with a no right now, start with what you actually know. Did they give you something specific to work on, or are you filling in the blanks yourself?
If there’s useful feedback, choose one adjustment you can make. If there isn’t, you don’t have to invent a list of everything that must be wrong with you.
And before you decide nothing is working, remember to look at what is. The person using what you made. The conversation that helped you explain your business more clearly. The text message that reminded you why you started.
It Still Stings
Now, I’m not going to say that hearing “no” gets easier as you build your business. Eh, no. It still stings.
What gets easier is your reaction to that no.
I’m not saying you get numb to it. But it gets easier to recognize whether you need to make some adjustments to your goals or your approach, or whether that particular opportunity really wasn’t meant for you.
That’s what has been quietly building my business. Learning what to adjust, what to let go of, and how to notice the yes that’s already sitting in my text messages.
Before You Go
If all those nos are making you feel behind, come read The Internet Thinks Success Happens Overnight. There’s a whole lot of work that never makes it into the finished picture.
