The Power of a Strong Support System: How My Circle Keeps Me Grounded
I have the most amazing support system today. My circle of women veterans, civilians (ha!), plus my dad and mom (she’s my biggest supporter and cheerleader), and Paul and Aiden. Let’s talk about my amazing circle of women. We’re all in different walks of life, have all experienced many different traumas, but holy moly they’re all powerful women in their own right. They’re also not afraid to call me out on my nonsense. They don’t judge me, respect my boundaries, and accept me flaws and all. I have never felt this accepted, ever. My mom did always say I’d be able to count my friends with one hand. Okay, so I picked up another hand. 👋
How’d I get so lucky? I have no clue. But I am beyond grateful. There’s a saying in Spanish, “Dime con quien andas, y te diré quien eres,” which translates to “Tell me who you’re with, and I’ll tell you who you are.” Doesn’t sound as cool in English, but you get it. In other words, be the energy you want to attract. Trust me, it works.
When I fully embraced being authentically me, that’s when these amazing women walked into my life. But heads up: shifting your energy like this might sting a bit. You might lose friendships, relationships, heck, even all the “ships” ⛵️ along the way. But trust me, in the long run, it’s worth it. Here’s a little wisdom for you: “You know you have a big heart when you feel bad for doing what’s best for you.” 💔 And let’s be real—blood isn’t always thicker than water. Sometimes, the people who judge and hurt us the most are family. I know, I’m tossing grenades with this one, but it needed to be said. 💣💥
Set Boundaries:
Boundaries are meant to protect you, not the other person. Allow yourself to say no without an explanation. “No, thank you” is a complete sentence. No people-pleasing allowed! I don’t go out on Sundays—that’s my sacred time. I need my 30 minutes before bed to meditate. I shut my phone off at 7:30 p.m. during the week and don’t accept any text messages or calls.
What Makes You Happy:
Go and do the things that make you happy. I go hiking by myself (but during times when other hikers are around—safety first!). I visit the Farmers Market solo. When you do what makes you happy, you end up finding people with the same interests.
Be Their Cheering Squad: Never let people talk bad about your support circle, and always pump them up when they’re not around. Always have their six. Don’t let anyone spread rumors about anyone, especially not your support circle. There’s enough female bashing going around—don’t be part of that nonsense.
Judgment-Free Zone: Surround yourself with people who don’t judge—whether it’s you or themselves. I’ve had folks in my life who constantly dragged themselves down just for attention. And no, it wasn’t a once-in-a-while pity party; it was an all-day, everyday affair. 🥴 They’d also judge and make fun of others. Newsflash: These are not your people. If you’re trying to heal, this vibe will do you zero favors. I lovingly call these types "energy vampires." 🧛♀️ When I need to vent, my real friends are there to listen, no unsolicited advice unless I ask for it. My go-to line: “I need to vent—no advice—or okay maybe I need your opinion.” Or, of course, “We ride at dawn!” But honestly, nothing happens before coffee, and by then the mood has passed anyway. HA! ☕️😂
Be Okay with Not Being Invited: If you see your circle out and about without you, be okay with it. Sometimes you miss the memo, and that’s fine. But if it becomes a regular thing, maybe that’s not your circle anymore, and it’s time to reevaluate. 🧐 Also, if you keep getting invited and never show up—yeah, that’s on you. Don’t be surprised when the invites dry up like my patience in a long grocery line. 🤷♀️
Laughter and Holding Space:
You want friends you can laugh with until your sides hurt but also people who can hold space for you when you need it. I love my circle because we can sit in total silence, no awkwardness, just peace. But we’ve also had some epic karaoke nights where we sound like dying cats. 🎤🐱 It’s gawd-awful, but the memories? Absolutely priceless. 💕
To date, the only thing we’ve come close to arguing about was when Friend 1 got upset at Friend 2 for nominating Friend 3 to be Grand Marshall at a parade. Why was Friend 1 upset, you ask? Well, because she had already planned to nominate Friend 2! 🙃 The plot twist? I’m happy to announce that Friend 3 will, in fact, be the Grand Marshall! 🎉 Turns out Friend 1 never actually hit the send button on her nomination for Friend 2... so I guess it’s already locked and loaded for next year. 😂
These are just a few things that have helped me build and protect my circle of supportive friends. I’m fiercely protective of my energy and my people. Surround yourself with those who lift you up, not drag you down. ✨
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Disclaimer:
I am not a doctor, psychologist, or licensed therapist. Everything I share is based on my personal experiences and should not be considered professional advice. For personalized guidance, always consult a licensed medical or mental health professional—yes, a real one, not "Dr. Google" or the comment section of social media.
If you're in crisis, please call 911 or reach out to the 988 Lifeline for immediate support. You're not alone, and real help is available.
