Why Boundaries Are So Hard—And How to Protect Your Peace Anyway
The moment I knew I needed stronger boundaries?
It wasn’t dramatic. It wasn’t a meltdown. It was sitting at yet another family event—on time, helping, staying late, showing up like I always did... and sometimes not even receiving a simple thank you.
But when it came time for my moments—my son’s milestones, my celebrations, my little family—no one showed up for us.
I’ve cried every time since then. Because sometimes, family isn’t what you think. And sometimes, the boundary you need to set isn’t between you and a stranger—it’s between you and the people who’ve always expected you to be the dependable one.
🔄 The Boundary Shift: What Healthy Boundaries Really Mean
Let’s get one thing straight: setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s self-respect.
And if you’ve ever felt guilty for saying no or pulling back, you’re not alone. Especially for women—and especially for firstborn Latinas like me—there’s this generational pressure to carry the family on our backs.
Myth: Boundaries Are Selfish ❌
You DON’T have to be the bigger person.
Let me say that again for the abuelas in the back:
You do not have to be the bigger person. Periodt.
I’m still told to “reach out” and “make the effort,” even when the effort hasn’t been mutual in years. That’s a no from me.
I’m breaking that generational curse. It hurts, yes. But I refuse to keep showing up for people who don’t show up for me or my little family.
🧘♀️ Boundaries Provide Clarity, Not Conflict
Myth: Saying No Means You Don’t Care ❌
Boundaries don’t have to be mean.
They can be clear, kind, and still firm.
I told my husband and son:
“I need 30 minutes in the morning and evening to myself. No questions. Just quiet.”
I told my boss:
“I’m available during work hours only. No emails on my phone. No check-ins during PTO.”
I told myself:
“Sundays are mine. No scrolling. No replying. Just rest.”
These aren’t punishments. They’re energy protectors.
✨ Boundaries Are Energy Protectors
Healthy boundaries create more connection, not less.
By saying no to what drains me, I’m saying yes to what restores me.
And it’s not personal—it’s purposeful.
I’m not responsible for other people’s reactions to my boundaries.
And like the Let Them Theory says: Let people do what they do. I’ll be over here protecting my peace.
💪 3 Boundaries Every Woman Needs
Time Boundaries:
“I don’t take calls after 5PM anymore—my peace is scheduled.”Emotional Boundaries:
“Not every emergency is my emergency.”Digital Boundaries:
“DMs are not my to-do list.”
🧭 How to Set Boundaries (And Stick With Them)
1. Be Clear
Write it down if you need to. Clarity > Comfort.
“I’m setting this boundary because I need uninterrupted time to recharge.”
2. Be Specific
General statements lead to fuzzy boundaries.
“I need 30 minutes at 5 a.m. and 7 p.m.”
“I won’t answer messages on Sundays unless it’s an emergency.”
“No, I’m not bringing my laptop on vacation.”
3. Be Consistent
No more “just this once.”
Boundaries only work when they’re held—every time.
The more consistent you are, the more people adjust.
💛 A Word to My Fellow Women, Moms, Veterans, and Latinas
We’re used to being strong. To carrying the emotional, mental, and physical weight of it all.
But being strong doesn’t mean saying yes to everything.
And being the eldest doesn’t mean you have to “represent the family” at the expense of your sanity.
Setting boundaries is how we protect our capacity—so we can pour into what truly matters.
You’re allowed to protect your peace.
You’re allowed to put yourself first.
And if no one’s told you this lately—you’re doing an amazing job.
Want more support in setting boundaries and living with intention?
📖 Grab a copy of my book Get It Together (Without Losing Your Mind)—it’s full of stories and strategies to help you reclaim your time, energy, and purpose.
📬 And don’t miss the weekly Fuel Your Week newsletter, where I share real-life tools and coaching tips you won’t find on social media.
👉🏼 Buy the book - Subscribe to the Newsletter - or fuel me with some cafecito
Disclaimer:
I am not a doctor, psychologist, or licensed therapist. Everything I share is based on my personal experiences and should not be considered professional advice. For personalized guidance, always consult a licensed medical or mental health professional—yes, a real one, not "Dr. Google" or the comment section of social media.
If you're in crisis, please call 911 or reach out to the 988 Lifeline for immediate support. You're not alone, and real help is available.
