Real Self-Care: How to Receive Love and Celebrate Yourself Without Guilt
For a long time, I thought self-care was about going to the spa (super pricey), going on vacation (extra pricey), getting my nails done, or taking a bubble bath.
And don’t get me wrong—those things are amazing. (Especially if it involves a cruise or lounging beachside with a drink in hand. Yes, please.) 🍹
But real self-care? It’s so much more than that.
And sometimes, it’s not easy, glamorous, or even fun.
Sometimes, self-care feels awkward, uncomfortable, even painful.
The Myth of "Cute" Self-Care
Society sells us the idea that self-care = spa days, cupcakes (ok YUMM, I’m always down for a treat), beach vacations, cozy blankets, and face masks.
And while I'm never saying no to cupcakes or a cruise, the truth is: the real work of self-care is emotional.
😍 It’s healing old wounds.
😍 It’s setting boundaries.
😍 It’s receiving love without feeling like you owe something in return.
😍 It’s asking for help without guilt.
That last one? Whew. That was a hard pill for me to swallow.
I never used to ask for help. I’d just quietly burn out—or, in the case of my poor husband, I’d start angry doing chores, slamming things down all dramatic with big sighs, hoping he’d "get the hint" to help.
(Instead of just saying, "Can you help me by throwing away the garbage?" 🤦🏽♀️)
Other times, the "help" I needed was bigger: reaching out to a therapist, working through trauma, breaking survival mode patterns.
Asking for help isn’t weakness. It's survival.
And let’s be real: it’s harder to live with that unprocessed pain day in and day out than it is to finally face it.
Receiving Is Self-Care, Too
Receiving compliments, love, attention, support—without trying to immediately “pay it back”—is a radical act of self-care. And one of the hardest for me.
I have a friend whose love language is gift giving. She’ll show up with bags of gifts for every birthday, Christmas, celebration—you name it. 🎁 Meanwhile, when I give her a simple gift card, I feel like an idiot and that I should have bought her way more. But you know what? She’s still grateful. She receives differently.
(Highly recommend reading The Five Love Languages—it's not just for couples, it works for friendships too.)
I had to unlearn the belief that I needed to "match" someone’s love language for it to be enough. A heartfelt thank you goes a long way. 💛
One thing that’s helping? I started journaling every time I receive a compliment, a gift, or even just love and attention. It helps me process the emotions instead of questioning the intention.
Why It Feels So Hard (And How to Get Better at It)
My therapist clocked it right away:
💬 “You’ve lived in survival mode so long that love feels like a threat.”
When you grow up around conditional love—
🤑 Only called when someone needed money.
😵💫 Only helped if you helped them first (and even then, maybe).
🤑 Only loved transactionally—
...unconditional love feels suspicious. It feels fake. It feels unsafe.
Receiving without strings attached feels so foreign, it almost hurts.
That’s why, after being love bombed for my birthday this year, I had a mini panic attack and retreated into hiding for a few days.
And guess what? That’s okay.
How do you get better at receiving?
👉🏽 You take it one awkward, uncomfortable day at a time.
How to Practice Real Self-Care Today:
Say thank you without explaining or deflecting.
Celebrate small wins without minimizing them.
Set one loving boundary this week.
Journal about a moment you felt seen and valued.
Pay it forward—without posting it all over social media.
Take yourself on a solo hike, movie date, dinner, breakfast—whatever lights you up (no phone, just you and a book).
Book that overdue vacation—even if it’s just a staycation to rest and reset.
You are valuable. You are worthy. You are deserving of celebration.
And real self-care?
It’s about honoring that truth—especially when it feels unfamiliar.💛 Your glow-up starts within. Don't shy away from it. Walk into it boldly.
Want more support?
📖 Grab a copy of my book Get It Together (Without Losing Your Mind)—it’s full of stories and strategies to help you reclaim your time, energy, and purpose.
📬 And don’t miss the weekly Fuel Your Week newsletter, where I share real-life tools and coaching tips you won’t find on social media.
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Disclaimer:
I am not a doctor, psychologist, or licensed therapist. Everything I share is based on my personal experiences and should not be considered professional advice. For personalized guidance, always consult a licensed medical or mental health professional—yes, a real one, not "Dr. Google" or the comment section of social media.
If you're in crisis, please call 911 or reach out to the 988 Lifeline for immediate support. You're not alone, and real help is available.
